we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
