I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
