You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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