we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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