Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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