I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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