i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
