My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
