I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
