i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
