I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
