Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
