You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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