how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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