He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
