Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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