You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
