Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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