i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
