Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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