my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
