so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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