dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
