She is in my trunk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
