I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
