Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
