am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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