There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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