Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
