Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?