I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
