So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
