you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
