We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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