he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
