i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
