there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ruined the universe
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