I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
