I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
