I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
