4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
