OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Randomize