I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
