I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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