I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
