Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
