Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
