Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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