You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
