Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
