When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
