I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
