This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
being pregnant is like rehab
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
