drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
there is glitter all over my balls
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