He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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