Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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