Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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