I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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