smell my finger.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
