Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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