My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
