I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
